A GENTLE FORCE

I wanted to go run but made myself go pour some coffee and sit with them. With the thoughts and words. With hope for an idea. None of this happens by accident. I mean the ideas can but not if I don’t sit with it and give it a gentle force. Pushing the letters out of my mind. Twisting and wringing each consonant like a wet rag. This is what writing has to be some days. 

I’ve come to realize that the act is simple but like all practices, you have to start. I used to be propelled forward by some over inflated sense that the world wanted it. That they were out there waiting patiently for their daily-ish dose of me. That’s not entirely correct. Sure some people are. But to do it for them can’t be why. Weirdly. Neither is just doing it for me. 

I’d declare it some sort of writer’s block, but you have to sit and try to write for their to be any blocks. I haven’t even been trying. 

An echo of “No one cares, work harder” permeates my life. It’s equal parts reality and some sort of self loathing “be hard on yourself, and great things will come” type of thing. Anyone practiced in the art of self loathing knows this isn’t how it works either. Yeah, it can push you along, but most of the time, great things don’t come from endless self flagellation. It comes from structure and boredom. Repeated tasks that slowly sharpen us over weeks, months, years....decades. 

That’s what today is about for me. You can sit and over analyze everything all the way to the paralyze point. Or you can get up. Pour another cup of coffee and get to the doing. 

I was reading an article by Mark Manson on creativity and it echoed the thing I had figured out on my own but still fight on the daily. Nothing is original. Great ideas and art and whatever happen in the spaces created by the mundane daily acts. Of the practices. 

I have a friend who decided she wasn’t a real runner but that daily ran. And ran. And improved. And took her one mile time from right under 9 mins to under 7 mins. She became a runner while saying she wasn’t one and by daily doing the running. Inadvertently she is now a runner despite what she says. She could not out-convince the work. The work wins. Always. 

And look at that. By doing what I didn’t want and allowing it to happen a “good idea” arrived as they often do. 

Are there immediate flashes of greatness?  Of course. But aiming for that is wasting your shots. Three pointers can beat the buzzer, but lay ups win more championships. 

#hugsandhi5s