NOTIONS

I'd say I'm intrigued by the premise of less. Constantly, now, is more accurate. I'm sure like the rest of the world I just moved along with the rest of you towards overstimulation and filling every single second I'm awake with something. Anything. The want for the opposite has started to approach a desperation for less. For quiet. 

I sometimes feels like I'm in some sort of loop. That if I didn't document or tell people about the day, that it didn't happen. A kind of "if a tree falls in the woods and no one is there, did it really make any noise," situation. I think it does. Right?  I don't have to set up cameras and record to prove it or anything?  Or do I?

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I imagine everyone comes to this point somewhere along the way. It's evident from the parenting of the 80's and the proliferation of TV, our parents claiming it would rot our brains. Now we give babies iPhones to occupy their every moment for a quiet dinner. We strap goggles onto our eyes to experience virtual reality, while outside them, the world whizzes by. 

If this is what getting old is, this awareness. I'll take it. 20 years of chase replaced with an overwhelming need to slow. To maybe focus. For sure to reduce. 1980's mid life crisis was a Porsche , a divorce, and an affair. Not necessarily in that order. Me? I want my wife and a quiet place to record and write. To work less or at the least make sure I'm finishing what I've started. 

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But what's a modern man to do?  In January I decided to not drink, the first few days filled with some time usually spent "unwinding".  As the days progressed, I simply went to bed earlier and earlier, an indication that I was either really tired or just didn't have anything better to do. It was during these evening times that I became aware of a mental grazing of sorts, likely what "they" call a dependency on information. 

I'd start these evenings with the intent of reading. What I found myself doing was looking for something to occupy my brains on my phone. News, sports, magazines. Mindless scrolling. Little energy to read. Picking up a book and starting, a sure fire sleep accelerant. 

I won't shrug away the obvious infiltration of technology etc. but really, is looking at football in the groin videos any worse than watching an episode of Magnum PI back in 1984?  It's really just a different input. Zoning out is still zoning out. 

It also reinforces that my mind is at its best in the morning. Always. So much so that I've even considered practicing guitar and piano when I wake up. Negotiating the details of this with those that reside here is a challenge that has yet to be broached. In the meantime, I'll move my reading to the mornings. 

This brings up further dilemmas. If my best mental time is the hours of 4 - 9 am, how do I spend that time. Should I eat the frog and do the least desirable task of the day?  Or should I guard this time for myself and my most fulfilling "work"?  

Knowing what I know about myself and my willingness to put off that which I want to do the least, I can foresee the outcome of this. It will start as opening a book and saying "I'll read a chapter, reading makes my writing better." 

It will turn into 3 hours straight and just answering emails around turning pages until lunch...maybe beyond. 

Maybe it's not the technology. Maybe my mind just craves input. Maybe technology has trained it to want that?  I don't think this is true. I used to read with a voracity that eliminated the outside world from the pages. I've just replaced it with something different to read. 

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All of this leads me back as it often does, to the notion of work. I say notion because even at 50, I tend to thrash against what society has decided is it's definition,  while still trying to provide value, services, and keeping up with what I've agreed to do. 

It's been a long time since I've had to report somewhere every single day to do the same task, and as such, most people would say "stop yer cryin, you don't even know."  They wouldn't be wrong. They also wouldn't be able to stop me from thinking that we are only on this planet once and as such, I'm spending as little time as possible behind a desk. I understand I should be thankful I get to do the things I do. Reality is that I've worked hard to create  a life that isn't congruent with the normal and I will never allow the way the rest of the world seems to  do things as rote. 

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For sure all of this is me just considering and facing what I want the next phase of my life to be. To be deliberate and to choose to enjoy more than not. I'm nothing if not dramatic and have a tendency to make mountains out of mole hills. Work isn't all bad. Technology isn't either. Framing is what is important. We all have to figure out how to frame our time trades. Work usually yields pay, which also usually yields security, and opportunity for ourselves and family. This is most of the time worth the time trade off. That doesn't mean I'm not still going to thrash against it and constantly question it's value and worth of my time. 

For me. The reminders are these:

Reading has value equal to  my career. 

Writing brings value to my work. 

Training allows me to focus and be better at everything. 

If only I could have 2 mornings every day. 

#hugsandhi5s