I am an eternal optimist. Not in a sunshine and rainbows kind of a way. I just believe I can do most anything and that anything is possible. But there’s a finite amount of time in a day and the want to do more has to be balanced.
It used to be that I just said yes to everything and I still say yes to a lot, but at least I am stopping and at the very least asking “Why am I doing this?” a little more these days. It’s been good to simplify my days but also to dig in and question my motivations.
What I find, over and over again is that I want attention/recognition. That I do things or agree to do things I am above average at based on that goal. Yeah, earth shattering I know. Don’t we all though? We all want to be told we are good. That what we do matters. It’s cool. You aren’t a narcissist because of it. It’s tied directly to one of the most human needs there is. The need to be loved.
Don’t get me wrong. It can fly off the rails and certainly become a negative in life if all you do is live to please others. It has to be balanced with some sort of filter or you will come across like that overly needy ex you had that drove you close to insanity.
But what to counter balance it with? Naturally my kind thinks to love and recognize someone else. Seems logical. I’m not sure it’s all an even Steven, yin and yang thing but the notion seems right.
What’s equally perplexing to me is how actual recognition and praise makes my skin crawl. I share whatever comes to my mind and a lot of times it’s at the least construed as pretty private thoughts. I do it and walk out the door to go work. I don’t question whether it’s right or wrong or too much information, or if my wife and kids will read it and be uncomfortable. Then I have people come up to me and say “I read your blog. It’s great. Thank you.” You’d think this would be the exact thing I’m looking for, but it makes my skin crawl. How bizarre a creature the human being.
It’s like the Internet happens in a vacuum. It allows us to detach from the real world and be a little more of what we really are while maintaining our other self that walks around. It can be the ultimate stage and we can let loose. Just know that face to face, all the insecurities, shame and fears are just below the surface.
Once again. I have started in one zip code and worked my way to another. It’s all related. Right?