AND ALL MY INSTINCTS

You ever wonder what the hand of God really is?  Don’t worry. I’m not getting all controversial religious on you. I accidentally tried that once. It didn’t go well.

I know a lot of days the words “I wonder...” come out of my mouth (or is it hands?). This is one I’ve thought about for years. When people talk about being compelled by something internal, an urge, an overwhelming feeling; are they describing that rush of chemicals to the brain and the   palpable tingling feeling in their chest as being moved by God?  

I ask this because I get that feeling weekly and I never think of it that way. Of course this is rooted in me being not religious so I just consider it a feeling that I almost always have to act on. The feelings yields a limited record of success.  The failure would seem like an easy thing to explain away, good or bad, as God’s Will. 

This morning In Your Eyes was in my head, specifically the line, “And all my instincts, they return.”  I trust my instincts a lot. I’ve been mostly lucky with that. Thankfully. It could be a shit show if I was compelled to open multiple restaurants despite their known track record of struggle...wait. Seriously though. Most things that are too good to be true end up being just that, despite our wishes of otherwise. And we almost always know that deep down. 

Is this some sort of fatalism?  Could this be “believed away”? What a I mean is if we can mostly decide some of the things we want to achieve and then do that work despite a nagging tug on the inside saying “you know this isn’t possible”, can some people just ignore that and push through. 

This is a lot for a Tuesday morning. Shit. This is a lot for any morning. Yet still I wonder. 

I can 100% see how someone who is deeply religious attributing these feelings to their higher power. A confirmation that there is something bigger pushing us along. Guiding. I  personally wonder if the feelings I am talking about are the same. 

Or is it just a feeling, combined with adrenaline and excitement for what we are capable of. 

Or is it “the grand facade.” Destined to burn?

I wonder. 

#hugsandhi5s