Learning to flip my mind is a constant process. It’s like the leaf I keep having to flip over and there’s a constant gale. My birthday has come and gone again and it’s an incredible dichotomy. I have the normal looking forward to it and I think I’m excited, but when it arrives I want to crawl in a hole. I love hearing from everyone but I have to force myself to interact.
For me the passing of a birthday is like New Years for a lot of people. A time to regroup and examine where I am. For some reason this year, my test came back with a murderous amount of red marks all over it. Like a disappointment homicide.
So I swam, and I ran, and then I ran again and I put myself out in the world for a bit. It felt forced and awkward but I did it.
As the day wore on and I was around more people. My attitude improved, showing again, that we are all better with others. My kids and I hung out for a few and then I went and played music with friends. Some original songs are coming together and it feels good.
It’s exciting to be creating like this again, and I’m certain this writing is fueling that writing. Congruent muscles being flexed. My guitar playing still suspect and my voice not all the way back, but playing something you created is always a confidence builder. Feeling a bands tightening like a hug.
By the end of the night, I’d mostly dug myself out of the hole or flipped over the leaf or whatever it is that turning a day around is, and I kept up my 100% victory rate over bad days.
Also, I wonder why we don’t count our day of birth as our first birthday? I bet they do that in Finland or somewhere