It seems I can’t go more than a few days without toeing some line of offense. I’m not sure if I am insensitive or everyone else is too sensitive. I’d like to say it falls in the middle, but I have little faith. In the last week close friends and family have alerted me that I am coming off at best as a grump and at worse as offensive to others. At the very same time, I felt like I had been on the right side of a new leaf. Po-tā-to, po-tot-o.
Back in the 90’s, I was pretty grumpy. Like, next level grumpy. I was very famous with my friend Tommy for turning over a new leaf and vowing to be better about it. It usually would last about 7 mins, and I’d let him know that leafs are very light and that it’s windy, and that things blow over all the time. In 1998 alone I turned over 177 leafs. Each blew over by the next day.
As I have gotten older, the leaves stay turned for, sometimes days at a time. Once I think I went for a week (others may disagree with this). What’s interesting is that what I feel like looks like a new leaf is actually no different at best, or as of late, worse than normal. Maybe I am taking crazy pills, or maybe the internal narrative sounds a lot better than what’s coming out of my mouth.
So after hearing it again last week, I spent a day or two really considering and listening to myself talk. I paused and thought, “is what you are about to say, NO MATTER HOW TRUE, really necessary?” Sometimes I even didn’t say anything. New leaf.
I spent time trying to think of why I was so snarky. I know in college I was an ass, a lot. I still made it through with a pretty good group of friends I still know, but snark became the language. I know I skew “contrary for contrary’s” sake. I’m not sure why that is, but as I contemplated, I couldn’t pinpoint when and where it became my prominent voice.
It’s self serving to say “I’m just being honest,” and “I can’t help it that it’s true.’ It’s not like I have some sort of “honesty tourettes,” shouting out uncontrolled truths at any given moment. Sometimes it’s better to just be quiet.
I was going to dive into how the world has in my opinion, shifted so far on the offended meter that the effer is broken, but we all know that. Instead I’ll end with this.
I think I try to be kind.
I think honesty is best.
We worry too much about being offended.
I am trying to think more and blurt out less.
I am only 17% successful at the above.
New leafs blow over every day, we get the chance to flip them over again.