As we slowly try and come back to some sort of routine after the last couple of months I am starting to see a trend and I’m not a fan. This morning I am starting back coaching cross country, something I really enjoy, I awoke early to make sure I had my act together and found the old dull hum of anxiety is returning. Maybe it’s first day jitters. I’m hopeful. As we have been coming back into the so called “old world” I’ve tried to remind us to hold on with a death grip to the good of pandemic life. The slowness. It’s hard to do that when we keep adding things back.
For the months of March and April I spent a couple of weeks in a constant panic about how I’d be able to survive, it was mostly all encompassing as I had nothing to do all day but consider it. It was as exhausting as it was pointless and was a reflection of the unknown. Slowly I had some acceptance and then even some optimism. Motion and doing and small orders made the days pass to the wary afternoons when I shut it down and went home early and actually turned things off. It became a decent balance and I feel like I mentally reaped the rewards of it. With fewer daily commitments I seemed to somehow figure out how to make the restaurants survive. I’m not out of the woods, but I’m not too concerned I won’t win.
Mental health is an interesting beast. I’m no expert and won’t claim my experience as the rules for balance and perfection but a simple approach of letting go a little has paid dividends. Over the weekend I made a post at night. Short and sweet, it was really a statement of contentment. For the most part my brain never shuts off. A realization that I had the at lot of the same stresses but that I hadn’t been allowing them to kill my soul.
Normally, even when relaxing, my inner gears are whirring. It makes my family think something is wrong because as much as you may think I never shut up, I exist in a tense silence a lot of every day, like a big cat, wound tight, assessing everything enjoying nothing. Amped. On Saturday that was gone and I noticed it.
My question this morning is a simple one. How do we add things back and still cling to the calm of the last 3 months? Is it possible? I mean I think it is, but it’s going to be hard (TWSS). I have in one the hardest economic downturns of my life, figured out how to make ends meet doing less so what was I doing before that killed my spirit and gave me less security. I added.
For 3 months I’ve been forced to say no, and like dining out on the weekends, it caused I initial unease and then became better/normal. I quit stuffing 20lbs of shit into the 5lb bag, hoping the seams would hold, while a slow leak of filth permeated my life. I quit adding.
You probably fell into a pandemic routine that’s made you wonder where all the time went each day. Weeks slipping by. Then months. You didn’t remodel your house or learn conversational Spanish. Hell you were likely lucky if you made it until 5:00 before cracking a beer, and likely didn’t even feel bad about it. While that was probably a bit much, you should have noticed that pre pandemic you was doing too much, poorly.
If this looks like the same thing I’ve said multiple times over the last few weeks, then good. You’re recognizing. They say it takes people 7 times hearing something before the accept it so consider this one of those times. As you return to what your life was please do the following.
Say no more.
Quit adding things that provide no value to your time.
Be patient, good will come your way, but only if you give it some space.
#hugsandhi5s
