Patrick Fellows is a 5 time Ironman, TEDx giving, 32 miles swimming, endurance coaching, healthy cooking, entrepreneur and musician.  Born in Dearborn, MI, raised in Mississippi and a Louisianian for 30 years, 

Quit putting mayo on my sandwiches…a rant.


I started 4 different lame ass posts this morning and finally have thrown in the towel. At some point everything can’t be all serious all the damn time. So. I thought I would lighten the mood with a couple hundred words discussing  a much more important topic. Please stop putting mayo (and sour cream on my food). 

I hate mayo and sour cream and not just light disdain. I hate it. It’s disgusting. This means that at least 80% of the time I order food specifically without it. It comes with mayo. FML. 

When this happens I act as any petulant 5yr old would. I throw a fucking fit.  I sometimes send the food back in a huff, but other times. I just push the plate away and say “I’m done here.”  My wife loves this reaction the best. But I really can’t help it. I hate mayo. It’s sour ass fat. 

Let me try and put it in a way that anyone will understand. Consider your dog eats a dead squirrel and this turns it’s bowels to mush. It then moves these bowels on your brand new carpet. Loose dog poop. Gross, I know. Now imagine you order a club sandwich at your favorite restaurant and you say. “Hey, this is crazy but don’t smear that dog shit on my sandwich.”  Then your sandwich comes with dog shit. Think how disgusted you’d be. 

That’s how I feel when my sandwich I ordered with no mayo comes slathered in white snot. So no, I’m not just going to wipe it off. 

Carry on with your Saturday. 


I’m no expert

Tired of the formula