I was thinking that taking pressure off myself would be good, like maybe I’d create some space for myself. What happened was actually 100% the opposite. I gave myself permission to not kill myself to write every day and promptly forgot about it. Habit isn’t about good intentions, it’s about blunt force trauma. So again, the game renews.
What it tells me is that this notion of 27 days to create a habit, while not complete bullshit, is flawed without active force. Two days, and 170 plus in a row were forgotten. I was on to something else. Maybe nothing with value, but in todays age, filling the space where important things happens incredibly easily.
So here we are, and it’s good.
It’s good because this reminds me that every single thing in my life can be like this. That I’m not just apt to an ADD shiny new thing chase, but that I am wired to forget, to unwillingly disregard, and it’s telling.
It’s telling because it is an explanation for my unfulfilled best intentions.
It’s telling because I don’t mean to look through you and not hear you.
It’s telling because inside my head, things go a million miles an hour, the dry, quiet stare isn’t disdain (mostly), it’s my best at staying all in with what you are saying, knowing for sure that I’ll forget it and move on to what’s next.
But it’s not the end of the world, and it’s not telling of my intent, and that’s unfortunate some times.
It tells me that I have to attack every single thing I want with a touch more tenacity, and it’s gotta happen every day if that something is important, and most everything is important.
So tomorrow is Monday. What switch are you forgetting to flip that you promised to? What thing are you going to do that you said "For once and for all I’m handling this!”
Give yourself some blunt force trauma and make it happen.