Patrick Fellows is a 5 time Ironman, TEDx giving, 32 miles swimming, endurance coaching, healthy cooking, entrepreneur and musician.  Born in Dearborn, MI, raised in Mississippi and a Louisianian for 30 years, 

I’m great at multitasking (and the don’t talk to me)

No you’re not. You’re doing more than one thing poorly. Maybe even terribly. I know this because I’m currently trying to listen to music and write at the same time and it’s a hot mess.  Maybe System of a Down, Chop Suey isn’t the best choice for quiet reflection. Whatever, I’m on a plane and 3 of the four levels of the “don’t talk to me” are in full affect. I mean I’m with my family so technically I really wouldn’t mind talking to them. Old habits die hard. 

The “Don’t talk to me” is on par with Six Sigma Productivity when employed correctly. It takes only 4 items that you already own. Stalwart dedication is its force multiplier. 

When traveling, some people want to be your best friend and or would love to learn all about you. I am just like this. Except opposite. Yet people are persistent. Challenge accepted. 

There are 4 levels of the DTTM. Before you embark on you path of learning you’ll need some headphones (broken ones work), a pair of sunglasses, a hat, and a hoodie and or pashmina or scarf. Please note that each additional level is added to the previous for maximal effect. 

LEVEL ONE: put on your hat/visor and pull it kind of low over your eyes. This is to deflect eye contact. Ted from accounting is from Kansas or something. He’s talking to you from across the aisle in 21D. A slight gaze down may discourage him enough for you to nod off. Not likely. But possible. 


LEVEL TWO-headphones. I put these in 6 days a week. Some days they aren’t even plugged into anything. In this instance when Ted is waxing poetic about his softball league, you can pull one out and say “What?” then quickly put it back in to see if he gets the hint. May the odds be forever in your favor. 


LEVEL THREE-Levels one and two plus sunglasses. Sunglasses should really give Ted the hint, but who knows. Accounting is exciting stuff for him. He’s been dying to tell a stranger about the changes to the tax code. If this doesn’t work. Please go to the finishing move. 


LEVEL FOUR-Hoodie/scarf/pashmina-Pull low enough that it hangs over your hat right at the top of your sunglasses. Ted and the the stewardess and the world should now get the hint. Well Ted doesn’t. Because Ted is terrible. 


Yes this seems like a lot of work and seems like I’m being “ugly” and as my mother in law will tell you “God doesn’t like ugly.”  He’s probably mad at me for other things at this point so I’m just going to keep doing me. 

Please remember. The DTTM can be used for all sorts of occasions. Weddings, conferences, business meetings, family reunions and Tuesdays when you just can’t even. 

Is it too late to convince you I actually like people?  I really do. 


That’s gay

A year ago...